18&19 y/oldsWhen I look back at last year, it feels like nothing much even happened but then I realise that I started university and managed to survive 2 semesters of it! I should feel proud of myself but I don't think I have the personality type cut out for university. I don't feel like I belong anywhere.
Last year was also the year where I felt like I "grew up," I learnt a lot about relationships, friendships and life after high school. Friendships and relationships come and go so easily. Some friendships of mine have been weakening and some I've even broken off to the point of no return. I feel like I have no friends anymore - like I had previously mentioned. I've been neglecting all of my friends but at the same time it's completely mutual. Even the ones I've wanted to fix - they don't want to fix this relationship with me. It's like they don't even try to be my friend so why should I try so hard to fix this friendship?
In Philosophy, I learnt that one of the social rules was that you treat people how they treat you. There was also the other one where you treat people how you want to be treated but I think I follow the first one more because I usually treat people nicely but once they treat me in a certain way I usually treat them in the same way back. I'm so stubborn but that's the way I think. Maybe because of this, people think I'm mean and rude but I'm just treating them the same way they treated me - what's wrong with that?
This year, I've been following this social rule without even realising it. It's been working out great so far, I've gotten rid of people who treat me like trash. Like this girl who used to be my friend back in high school. Then she changed once she got into a relationship last year and she would stop contacting our group, using me for things, and overall stopped hanging out with me and our group. Then there are just friends who have just drifted apart because of distance but they don't make any effort to hang out even when we're both free and stop contacting unless they need stuff from me. I'm so sick of people placing me as their last priority. Why can't I ever be someone's first or at least second priority? What's wrong with me?