21:35 Cyndi 0 Comments

A Father died today,
A loving Husband passed away,
A professional person rested in peace,
A protective brother is gone,
A hilarious son has disappeared,

Is it their brother? Is it your husband? Is it my father?

No, no it's not but can you imagine - just imagine today, was the day someone special to you died.

Heard of the Kubler-Ross model? Well here they are:
(taken from Wikipedia)
1) Denial – "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
2) Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
3) Bargaining – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
4) Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
5) Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
Though most people find it stupid that I cried over my dog but a death is still a death. I went through these five stages. At first, I couldn't believe he was really gone until the next morning -

My dog hadn't woken me up so I could pick him up and place him on my bed. He wasn't there to scratch the door to tell me to let him out so he could go urinate. He wasn't there, wagging his tail. He wasn't there, sitting on the couch watching us leave the house.

The next stage I blamed myself I kept asking why did my mum have to let him out the house? Why hadn't I realised he wasn't moving until the last minute? Why did I spend so much time on the computer instead of playing with him? Why didn't I take care of him enough? I should have spent more time with him! Why did I have to kick him while I was asleep? Why hadn't I noticed that he was in pain? Why didn't we bring him to the vet as soon as possible? Why didn't I go into the vet to watch with my own eyes his last breath?

Bargaining - My dog died during the holidays and I had just got back from holidays in Hong Kong. So I would always bargain and say that I would rather of spent time with Wing Wing than have gone to Hong Kong.

Depression - It was so hard, nobody at school understood. They didn't understand they all thought 'It's just a dog.' I prayed so hard that there was a Doggie Heaven and that I could see him again when I went to Heaven. I didn't even want to live, I just wanted to reach Heaven so I could see him again.

Acceptance - This was the longest stage to arrive at. It took me at least 4 months to accept the fact that he was never coming back. All I can say is that, it took a really long time and I cried every night for 4 and a half months. It calmed down a lot - the crying. One day, you're going to just accept the fact and remember the memories you've had. I'm treasuring the new dog I have now, each and every moment. I try to spend time with him. Treasure the ones you have around you because that day will come.

This post isn't about the death of my dog it's to everyone who has lost someone special to them.
I don't want to point to anyone specific but -

I'm such a coward I can't post this on your facebook, forgive me.
I'm so sorry for your loss but your father is so proud to have a daughter like you.
You're beautiful, funny and talented and you are so strong.
To have gone what you went through,
you are so strong  if I was in that position I know I would've been so depressed.
We'll be praying for you and your family.
Lots of love, Cyndi.

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