Dear Friend: Always

Dear Friend,

I hope by the time you read this, it won't be too late and that we'll still be best friends even though we might have gone separate paths, made new groups of friends, and our personality and beliefs have changed overall. However, it's September 2012 right now and I just want to address some personal issues I've been having that I really (honestly) want to talk to you about in person but I just can't.

The first one is - I really do miss you. I know a few months back, we had a heart to heart talk but I wasn't really into it then to be honest. I was having a few different issues about stuff and I think I wasn't taking everything you said seriously but now I see the effects of what you actually meant and I'm still trying to get used to it. I told you that it was fine that you were spending more time with him but things have definitely changed. I wasn't expecting for you to join into a whole different group and not sit with me at lunch times (heck, I've been sitting with you at lunch times and stealing your food for 4 years!) - so that has definitely really impacted me. Then I feel like I've been replaced and it's not me and you strolling around the school anymore. It's you and him and I don't think I mind as much but I do miss that. I just wish we could spend more time together - just you and me like the good old days. I'm sorry I only just realised now about what your message really meant and it's completely my fault for not taking the hint and I completely agree with you. I'm sorry I took your message so lightly.

I guess I really am so slow at noticing important things like this but it makes me sad that when people mention you they associate it with him and not me any more. It's like the things we did weren't so important that people don't remember that we're best friends and we did so many things together. It's like people acknowledge you and him but not necessarily me and you. I know it's completely different things since he's a guy and that means that always associate it with boyfriend/girlfriend and we're friend/friend. I guess you could say that this is my true reply to your whole message on Facebook. I'm sorry it took me like 2 months for a reply haha.

So yeah, the thought of 'fading' away from you honestly terrifies me as well and I just wish sometimes we could spend more time together even if it's just one recess break or something small like that. Also, even though Yun is also my best friend, it doesn't necessarily mean she has to be yours too. Even though I would love to be as close of friends with Ashleigh, Nicole and Naomi as you are with them - I can't force myself and neither should you. So I just wanted to sort that out because, as I mentioned before, not everything has to be about me (that's how I feel personally about the whole spending time with me you and yun) because then I start feeling really bad and selfish in a sense.

Proverbs 18:24 
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

The second part - I guess I haven't really been myself lately and I'm sorry for not being so open but I haven't been able to tell anybody exactly how I've been feeling to be exact. The truth is, I've always wanted to tell someone - just anyone really - but I have been feeling rather lonely. I think I've been suffering from depression this whole year. I don't know what's wrong with me to be exact but I just feel so down all the time. I guess I've been feeling really lonely and a really boring person and I think I wasn't always like that. I just hope this doesn't change our friendship or the way you see me when I tell you this because I don't want people to sympathise for me, I just want people to listen and understand and that's really all I want. The thing is, I feel like nobody ever really listens to me or they tend to ignore me when I do actually speak up. I always start but then nobody listens even though I speak up louder and sometimes I stop halfway because someone interrupts me or it's because I realize no one is actually listening. It occurs in economics mostly, psychology and private study classes. You and Yun both interact with them and so it's like I have to interact with them too but they never actually talk to me when you guys are around or when you're not around. So I guess I just feel a bit left out as it seems like everyone is close to them except me and it really does suck.

The third part - I sometimes struggle to find things to talk to you about too. I know things aren't exactly going right when I have to bring up what we did before in our past to make a conversation like I did with the whole myspace thing in private study. So, here it is - Friend, what have you been doing these days? My sister and my mum are going to Hong Kong next week and I keep forgetting to tell you and I don't know why. I keep telling myself I will and you're usually one of the first ones I will tell but somehow I don't know why I haven't. So, for the next two weeks I'll need to take care of the house and take the bus home :( So, I'm sorry I've been giving you nods lately or ignoring you or whatever but everyones been telling me to stop getting in the way of you and him. I think that was what I believed when I replied to your message.  That I should just let you guys spend more time together. So I did, and now this happened.

So - this is my final and true reply to your message. I hope you aren't disappointed :) I also hope you don't get weirded out by this and this doesn't mean that I want you to immediately do what I want you to do but I just wish you would know what I truly think and what my wishes are in all honesty. I, by no means, want you to change what you're doing right now because it makes you content with life. I just want you to understand and like we said, things have indeed changed but I hope we continue to be friends!

 'Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anyone.'

Sincerely, ME!

P.S The storybook sounds like a brill idea though!!! I wish I had written down all my dreams before so I can remember them. Some of them were magnifique!!! I should have done that instead of posting quotes around my bedroom. LETS!? after WACE? I think I'll enjoy browsing through it when I get older ^^