What does Success mean to you?

I've always thought that success means that you had to have the nicest car, the biggest house, heaps of friends, wealthy, respected and had a lot of power.

To me, success equals making a positive difference in other people's lives that won't negatively affect other people's lives. I've never been able to associate success with wealth, power or how famous you are. I don't like chasing after money as I think money shouldn't have so much power over your happiness and working in Marketing I can understand that being famous is all appearances and publicity and what you show to people when you could be miserable inside. Success for me means happiness and what makes me happy? When my actions are making a positive difference to other people's lives - which is why I love when I get to directly speak one on one with the students living at Campus Perth and being able to talk to the Hostel guests and reading their reviews on how our company has been able to support their journey through life. Having these positive insights into what my actions do to other people make me so happy and motivate me more to do better.

Another thing which makes me happy is being passionate about causes and standing up for what I believe in. I truly believe in women's rights, racial and gender equality and being able to argue and read up on them and being able to make a difference towards these issues make me so happy! That, to me, is what success means to me. Being contently happy with what you've achieved and what your goals are.

10 Lessons I learnt in 2019

Summarising an entire year into one blog post is pretty hard especially considering the fact that my memory and concentration has been failing me and been absolutely down the drain lately. I can hardly remember what I did yesterday let alone an entire year (thanks depression!). I can, however, put it into five quick & easy bullet points which actually makes it easier for both you - and me - to read and write down.

I note that I haven't posted since 2018 when I first accepted my current full-time job, and time has essentially just flown by. Looking back on my last post makes me kind of melancholic as that post still resonates to me and what I learnt back then I'm still trying to really process now. I actually think that perhaps 2018 me seemed way wiser than current me now.

Having the responsibility of a job just means that I'll be able to use those experiences and skills to increase my financial situation. To be able to allow me to be financial stable and secure in my life. What this means in the end? It will allow me the freedom to pursue my dreams and hobbies...So what I really need to do now is find a hobby I enjoy.
I haven't found a hobby I truly enjoy yet, it's still a work in progress, sadly, but I hope I'll get there in the end. In the meantime, I do have five striking points on what I learnt in the year 2019 (one of the worst years of my life mentally, physically and development & growth-wise). I feel like I've learnt nothing and progressed nothing but at the same time have learnt so much? Does that even make sense? Ok, here we go:


  1. Everything in balance, to have the good you do need the bad
I think ultimately this year I've learnt that people come and go out of your lives for a reason. Time doesn't stay still for everyone and you for sure need to have bad times in your life to fully appreciate the good. 2018 was such a good year for me - I got everything I wanted at the time (or so I thought...) and got to make friends with some rad people. 2019 was the absolute shithole of a year. Friends leaving, burnt out by work, self-confidence and self-esteem was down the drain. I even went on holiday to JAPAN which I have been looking forward to visiting for my entire life and was absolutely MISERABLE (??). So I've learnt that there's always going to be bad to balance out the good. 
  1. Relationships are a lot more complicated than I thought (but I learnt a lot)
I was involved in an intimate relationship this year that went on longer than it should have and it was a very complicated relationship because I didn't understand it and sucked at communicating properly with what I wanted and needed. Relationships, in general, are super layered and I don't know where to even start or how to explain it. What I thought I knew about relationships completely don't even align with what I thought last year and I've been an absolute shit show about it. I don't know if it's because I've been really depressed this past year or what but it's like I remember a past life where I was able to build relationships and intimacy and now I just can't. It's not possible for me anymore.

I think for me on relationships I've also learnt that you need to know yourself first and get to love yourself before being in a relationship just so you know exactly what you want from it and what you can give back. I would also then add that even if you are in a relationship - don't lose your sense of self, your hobbies, what your passions are because they are what make you uniquely you and if you surround your whole life around a singular person, it makes it hard on the other person to cater to your needs and it's not a healthy relationship.

Note to self to really work on yourself, your health, fitness, goals and aspirations so you can get what you want in life. 
  1. Get to know yourself & love her fully
I have a hard time with this because I think from this whole year the most important lesson I learnt was that I really don't know myself or who I am. Someone told me I didn't have enough life experience and was still such a small child even in an adult body. It then also relates back to my previous point where you can't get into a relationship without fully knowing who you are or what you want in life. You're in a relationship to make the person happy but you don't even know what makes you happy. So figure it out. This year I hope to be able to figure out exactly what I like and want. 
  1. Having a full-time job, stable house and having kids isn't the end goal for everyone
I've said it once and I'll say it again - humans will never be satisfied. We'll always want more and more. I've come to the realisation that even when I get the things that I thought I wanted, it might not actually always bring me happiness. Stable house and family with kids? Who knows if I really want it or if I've just been conditioned by my parents who expect those kinds of things from me. You've really got to pursue hobbies, passions and things that genuinely make you happy and I'm here for it this year. 
  1. I'm depressed & it's just getting worse now...
Truths out. 2019 was not my year. I'm hoping to seek a counsellor to get this issue resolved and I hope that will eventually help me get my sense of self back. 

Happiness is the key for a happy life




This TED Talk really spoke to me when the speaker, Shawn Achor, mentioned the ripples of positivity. I find this so relevant to my life right now. I was offered a job - finally - after almost 2 years of applying for jobs and attending interviews and this was after I had started my new job at a coffeeshop where I established a routine.


However, even after being offered a job after almost 2 years of failure - the initial happiness of success wears off. Having a great job (even though I haven't even started yet) isn't the key to happiness; I still wake up in bed crying over the loss of my dear Chocolate and listening to certain songs make me tear up and cry in the car. Getting an amazing job just doesn't mean you'll automatically be happy. I am the happiest when I'm spending time with my friends, family and dog.

Having the responsibility of a job just means that I'll be able to use those experiences and skills to increase my financial situation. To be able to allow me to be financial stable and secure in my life. What this means in the end? It will allow me the freedom to pursue my dreams and hobbies...So what I really need to do now is find a hobby I enjoy.

Choco

I miss you.

I miss the way your tail wags and hits me in the face while your butt wiggles because you wag it so hard. I miss the way you would just lie down on the edge of my bed or curl up right next to my leg. I miss the way you would get up when I got up. I miss the way you would grab a toy and show it off to us when we came back home as a little present. You'd carry the toy and walk like you were in a beauty contest and it made us laugh so much. I miss the way your butt would wiggle in the air and you'd have your head on your paws and look up at us.

I miss your cute little white paws and the way you'd give it to me when I asked for 'hand' or when I would ask you to beg and you'd place them together to beg for your food. I miss the paws that held onto the bones we gave you whether it be the Smackos bone or the pork bones you loved so much.

I miss the times you'd follow me everywhere or just check up on me. I even miss the times you'd just sit on top of the sofa and look out of the window. I miss your face in the window watching us come back home and wagging your tail. Sometimes we'd see your face - other times you'd go into our rooms. I miss seeing you lying down on my bed and just wagging your tail when I turned on the light and seeing you wagging your tail on the edge of my bed. I miss you cleaning up my plate. I miss waking up in the morning and finding that you were curled up sleeping right next to my face, my legs, on the edge of my bed, underneath my bed covers when it was Winter. I miss getting woken up by you early in the morning telling me to pick you up onto the bed.

I miss the sounds of your paws in the house. I miss your barking. I miss your howling. I miss the nagging sounds you'd make to tell us to do something - letting you out, letting you back inside, 'take me out for walkies,' picking you up on the bed. I miss your face out the car window and your smiling face. I miss your face. I miss your perfectly white and aligned teeth. I miss you sticking out your tongue. I miss seeing you so hyper. I miss you jumping everywhere and going back on forth just to get up on the sofa. I miss how your ears perk up. I miss playing with you - tug of war, training you, feeding you. You made us all so happy. I miss the touch of your fur and body. I miss massaging you.

I miss seeing how happy you were after the park. I miss you wiping your nose on my mat. I miss you just running so free across the grass fields. I miss the way you'd communicate with dogs and jump everywhere. I miss the way you pee and poop. I miss the way you'd follow me everywhere. I miss your face when I hide away from you. I miss the way you freak out when you can't find me and run away. I miss the way you loved us more than other people. I miss how loyal you were and how you showed us how much you loved us. I miss your growls. I miss you jumping. I miss how obedient and intelligent of a dog you were. I miss giving you belly rubs. I miss you in my car and going back and forth between the windows. I miss seeing you eat the food I cook for you. I miss cooking for you and making your food. I miss dressing you up in clothes. I miss the way you would avoid the beach water at all costs but loved going to the beach. I miss seeing you sunbathe on the grass and go exploring the backyard.

I miss you always checking up on me and Mandy. I'm sorry for always annoying you and making you scared. I miss your sleeping face. I miss your big dark brown eyes. I miss your puppy eyes. I miss you licking my face. I miss you licking me.

Quarter Life Crisis

Common symptoms of a quarter life crisis are often feelings of being "lost, scared, lonely or confused" about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. Studies have shown that unemployment and choosing a career path is a major cause for young persons to undergo stress or anxiety. Early stages of one living on their own for the first time and learning to cope without parental help can also induce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Re-evaluation of one's close personal relationships can also be a factor, with sufferers feeling they have outgrown their partner or believing others may be more suitable for them.
Am I perhaps going through a quarter life crisis right now? I'd consider myself pretty lucky in the fact that I found a job pretty quickly after graduating high school and was working while my friends were still looking for jobs. However, now that I've been unemployed for a bit and living off savings, on the verge of graduating with a bachelor's degree, and labelled a millennial with no prospect of owning a house anytime soon - I feel completely and utter 'lost, scared, lonely AND confused.'

What the fuck do I do now?

I feel like being away from home and taking up the Disney International Program had some negatives but I feel like it prepped me up big time in being able to answer questions such as 'Will I be able to survive living by myself/paying rent/cooking for myself/doing laundry?' The answer is yes. I survived and I experienced firsthand what it felt like having roommates, working full-time hours, coming back home from work and having to cook for yourself and budgeting so that you would have enough money to pay for rent - all without the help of my family who were on the other side of the globe and offered no extra financial support apart while I was in Orlando. I did it and I overcame the loneliness.

As of right now, my major life crisis springs its focus on my career prospects and the fogginess of the future regarding how I'm going to spend the rest of my adulthood years. Unemployment and career paths definitely do give me a lot of stress and unnecessary anxiety when all I want to do in life is aim to be happy but I've soon realised that I can't even be happy without the basic, necessary funds to feel comfortable. I can't be happy when I keep comparing myself to my close peers who seem like they all know what the future holds for them but I'm kept back from achieving anything significant and still my future is seemingly covered by a heavy cloud.

I think the first step would be to plan everything out but I've always been more of a go with the flow kind of person and it's exciting to see where this has taken my life. I think my best abilities as of now is being able to express myself, write with passion and being able to persuade people. I hope I can persuade recruiters and potential network of people my ability to be able to get the work required of me to above their standards. Just like how all amazing marketing should be - exceeding people's expectations. I hope I can do that because I love to set people's expectations of me so low that that I end up exceeding people's expectations.

MIISHKA: A (Free) Lesson on Conflict Management

Edit:// Felt like this was a very relevant article: http://www.digitalmarketer.com/pokemon-go-community-management-mistakes/

Growing up in the age of technology surely has a lot of benefits and allows me to engage in thought-provoking and interesting discussions, read and engage in a lot of interesting articles and information. On the downside (or upside depending on how you see it), you're exposed to a lot of unacceptable behaviour and attitudes you wouldn't have access to before thanks to easy accessibilities to smartphones, tablets and cameras that can capture these unethical, prejudiced and racist moments.

Today, the world is becoming less tolerant of racist behaviour (thank God!) and in an age where information is so easily accessible it is no excuse for people to be so uneducated and culturally unaware. There is Google and YouTube and so many news resources for you to look into. I learnt all about the Iambic Pentameter for English class through YouTube - it was amazing and hopefully the education system will change to keep up with the changing technological times.

However, that's not what I want to focus on. My post today is on an Australian vintage online store based in Melbourne called Miishka. Yesterday I came across this post my friend tagged me in on Facebook where they were culturally appropriating the Vietnamse Ao Dai and other Asian dresses that hold cultural significance.



Basic gist of an Ao Dai (from Wikipedia) - it's a national dress worn by Vietnamese people usually for weddings and tea ceremonies but can also be uniforms. Basically it's a dress for special occasions similar to the Chinese and their cheong-sam, Japanese with their kimonos and yukatas and Koreans with hanboks.

Here's a complete 401, ELI5, Culture 101 lesson for you and everyone else that doesn't want to have the term 'racist' on their forehead.

By the way, if you didn't want to educate yourselves now you can (thank you 2 second search on Google):


So guys, here is a traditional and beautiful Ao Dai (took me 3 minutes to search, look up images and save these):


Now here is how Miishka culturally appropriated it and sold it for AUD$95 under the name of "Azure Oriental Tunic Dress": 




First off, you need to stop using the word 'Oriental' because;


Once again, thank you Google for a quick 2 second search and a 1 minute read on Oxford Dictionaries. 

You know what sounds better? Ao Dai - 

but coming from a Marketing perspective an Asian and taking into account that most people aren't culturally aware or accepting of other cultures that aren't their own and your target audience is generally a Western market......

Going for 'Vintage 90s Azure Vietnamese Dress' would have done the same thing without any offense given. Or even 'Vintage 90s Azure Asian Slit Dress' if you couldn't be fucked doing any research or asking any Asian group if they'll be offended. But nah, lets use 'Oriental Tunic Dress.' 

Secondly, the slit. I have so many words to say on how wrong showcasing a national dress in a mere sexual and tacky way is to the Asian community. It further endorses the belief that Asian people can be fetishised and Asian women can be sexualised. You may not see it that way but search up Asian costumes on Google and you'll soon see what I mean. I can't be bothered doing this homework for you because it's disgusting. Also notice how traditionally the way to wear Ao Dai's is with pants underneath.


Third of all, I noticed from the post, comments and Instagram that Miishka were quick to block, delete and report instead of first of all apologising, responding to criticisms and learning why they had offended so many people. 

A (Free) Lesson on Conflict Management


Here are each of the steps that Miishka could've taken to avoid this whole conflict in the first place - if they had at least done any of these steps the whole controversy wouldn't have blown up to the size it is now: 

  1. 1. Educate yourself edit:// even more on diverse social issues and surround yourself with different belief and values
  2. 2. Research on the pieces you're selling 
  3. 3. Don't culturally appropriate
  4. 4. Don't sell and market national Asian dresses as 'Oriental' or any other offensive, racist term
  5. 5. Don't get a white person to model an Asian piece and especially a cultural piece (this will piss people off no matter what even if you're not culturally appropriating and naming it the correct term)
  6. 6. Don't style and model it so provocatively (Commerce student thoughts: you could've sold a pants or shorts item underneath...damn.. missed opportunity)
  7. 7. Stop deleting, blocking and reporting comments in general (censoring people) - angry people need to vent and rant and if they can't do it on your platform then they're taking it elsewhere with 10x the angry react
The irony that this is in my blog post
  1. 8. Be accountable for your own actions (aka be responsible for your own actions)
  2. 9. Actually listen to why people are offended, angry and why you're getting backlash 
  3. 10. Actions speak louder than words 
  4. 11. Don't make yourselves out to be the victims - people are angry they don't give a shit that you were abused or threatened...you hurt them first, you started this conversation. 
  5. 12. Don't put out a general 'sorry we got caught. sorry you're butthurt' insincere apology
  6. 13. Don't put out an apology that doesn't address any of the issues directly. "Particular community" "This piece" "Similar items" "deep appreciation" "Celebrate the beautiful uniqueness of everyone" (Angry Asian Lady thoughts: Your whole facebook, instagram and tumblr feed only fits into a small minority of what you think is "unique" aka pretty, skinny, white, women ... ) 
  7. 14. Don't pull a pepsi with a 'love solves everything' 
  8. 15. Don't act like an apology automatically solves everything
  9. 16. Actions speak louder than words - how are you going to solve this? did you ask the offended how you could reverse the damage? did you try to understand what you did wrong? why did i take the items off the shelf? 
  10. 17. In a world where we can be anything, BE ALL OF THE ABOVE AND BE KIND 

Here is Miishka's apology which I felt wasn't very sincere especially when paired up with deleting off ALL comments that they felt were offensive (which, in my opinion, the ones I've seen haven't been offensive at all and simply pointing out facts) 



 Except for this one - they couldn't delete this one, of course.

An Outsider

I was reading an article today about how they were almost about to cast Lewis Tan as the leading role of Iron Fist as Danny Rand but ultimately gave the role to the white guy in the show. Here is the article: http://www.gamesradar.com/meet-the-asian-american-actor-marvel-seriously-considered-for-iron-fist/ 

Lewis Tan, is half white and half Asian, an American born in England. In the article they quote him on saying that he understood how it felt to be an outsider both in Asia and in America. I resonated well with that as I understood how it felt and I feel as if being mixed race there were even be more of an identity crisis.



I remember my friend, whose half white and half filipino, telling me that when she's in Australia she's Asian but when she's in the Philipines she's white. It's like she doesn't belong in either places she's part of and can you just imagine how confusing that would've been for her when she was younger?

When I finished reading the article, I scrolled down to read the comments section and one of these comments stood out.



Hey Orange Apple, your comment meant no harm at all, but I feel like I just need to inform you and help you understand what this 'whole outsider thing' is about.

While I can't speak on behalf of mixed race people as I feel as if their experiences would somehow be completely different to mine but I can speak on behalf of my own experiences.

As Lewis has said, there's no more of an outsider than an Asian-American. What he means is that as an Asian who grew up in a Western country - we're told constantly that we don't belong even though we may dress the same, act the same, and speak the same way as our white peers. We simply just don't look the same and so people don't accept us as just a normal citizen of America/Australia/Europe.

We have people telling us to speak English when we speak our mother tongue and when we do speak English we have people telling us that our English is really good and asking us where we're really from.

When Lewis mentions that we feel like outsiders when we're at home. I can bring up a story my friend, who is Asian but has only ever lived in Australia and hasn't been to her mother country before. She told me she felt disconnected to her grandparents because she can't communicate with them as they don't understand English. She feels disconnected with other Asians because she can't relate. She doesn't even like Pho. Yet constantly, again and again, she has people asking her where she's from and they don't believe her when she says the honest truth that she's from Australia.

My experiences are a bit similar when I go back to Hong Kong to visit my extended family. I can't communicate with them. There's just a big cultural difference in how we live our lives. They see me and start talking Cantonese with me but I can't piece the words together as eloquently as I would like and I end up sounding like a 5 year old child. They way we do things over there are different and even my FOB friends call me the ABC of the group and list out the ways in which I do things differently.

There's just no winning for us and I don't see this kind of thing changing anytime soon. The other way in which I see a slight change is when people point these things out and educate people on what it means to be considered an outsider.

A lot of controversy surrounded Ghost in the Shell also and a lot of the arguments they used was that it was a film for Americans so of course they would use American actors and actresses. When people use this argument, it irritates me so much because this is another way in which people see other non-white Americans as outsiders. They're not Americans - is what they're simply saying. They can't cast an Asian-American actress as Motoko Kusanagi - it's either got to be a white American actress or a Japanese actress. Asian Americans are never considered.

So, Orange Apple, I hope by now you would have at least grasped the gist of what Lewis Tan meant to be 'an outsider as an Asian-American'.

I Am Not Your Asian Stereotype | Canwen Xu | TEDxBoise

being asian australian

Growing up as an Asian-Australian, I had to deal with people throwing racist remarks at not just me but hearing about it from my parents and my sister and how upset and helpless they felt when being attacked.

Growing up Asian-Australian meant that my life would be completely different to the lives of Asians growing up in predominantly and homogenous countries like the city I'm from - Hong Kong - they wouldn't need to deal with being oppressed or being discriminated against just because of the colour of their skin.

Growing up Asian-Australian meant that for most of my life I had an identity crisis and going to a predominantly-white Christian-religion school did not help. I remember coming back from Hong Kong and being at school and trying to share my culture and what I had learnt from being overseas to my friends and they told me I had changed and became more Asian. Like it was a bad thing.

I had an identity crisis over how I should act and dress and I tried to hide my culture because it didn't fit in with this particular society's standards. There was only one way of doing things and if I didn't do things their way I was considered 'different' and 'weird'

I was labelled weird throughout the majority of my high school life and it was me not understanding that I needed to have dual personalities to fit in - the one at home and the one outside of home and sometimes the one I had in front of white people.

Growing up Asian-Australian meant that I wanted to learn about my culture but there was nothing here to learn from. Nobody talked about it and there were hardly any history books about Chinese history or culture. Even if there were - it was either all in Chinese or from a Western point of view.

Even now, being Asian-Australian and coming over to Australia before I even turned 1 - I still get people asking me where I'm really from, where my parents are from, if I'm really from Australia and telling me that I speak English really well...for an Asian. They start asking me questions about China that I don't even know the answers to. I want to embrace my culture but the culture I've ever really known is Australian culture.

I've been in Australia my whole life but to them, I'm not Australian. I hardly know anything about China or Hong Kong because where am I supposed to get any of this information from other than my parents and Google? The only thing the white education system has ever taught me about history was it's Aboriginal Australians, World War 1 & 2 and the gold rush where they completely missed out on how they attacked the Chinese.

2016 was such an important year for me. I've learnt so much and heard stories from people of different races and backgrounds. Listening to stories about what it's like to be African-American, Latina and a Muslim haunts me to this day and watching all these documentaries has educated me so much about the world and so I've decided that 2017 will be the year that I will stand up for my beliefs and core values without even caring about what people think of me or if I offend them because people have already offended me enough already.

Pro Choice

I went to a Christian school and what this means is basically that our sex education was short, sweet and incredibly one sided. The gist of our 'education' is that we had to wait to have sex after marriage otherwise our lives would be ruined and our options are cut - that we won't have a successful life and that life will be a struggle after having sex.




They didn't tell us that there were other options. There was only one option - don't have sex. The worst part was that they separated the genders up so that females were in one room for sex education while the males were in another room for sex education. We didn't even received the so called education until we were around 15 years of age. It's just ridiculous looking back now on how my religious school has failed us so hard. 

I want you and everyone to know that there are options - there are options beyond pregnancy or even options before sex. There are contraceptives. Your life doesn't just end there after getting pregnant. You should be able to choose for yourself. It is your life and your body and nobody should be taking these basic human rights to CHOOSE from you. I so strongly believe in educating both men and women in sexual education in all forms and I am so passionate about having the ability to choose what you do with your life FOR YOURSELF. You should be able to have the option to keep the baby or have the option to abort it. 

When we lose empathy for others is when we lose the essence of what it means to be human. 

Why do women have abortions? 

Do you understand or even know why abortions even take place? It's not only just because they happened to fall pregnant after having sex - it can be so many other reasons.

The top 3 reasons: 

  • having a child would interfere with a woman's education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%);
  • that she could not afford a baby now (73%);
  • and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%).

I just cannot wrap my head around the reason why people would want to barge their way into somebody else's business in regards to a person's body. I've read and heard people wanting to keep the baby but what happens to the baby THAT NOBODY WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE? It's a destructive cycle. The child is left unloved in a world that's already broken. The adoption process is difficult and numbing for the child who goes from home to home. Nobody should have to go through the process of foster care when so many people cheat the system and are in it for the money instead of actually looking after the child. It's a never-ending cycle. 

We should be educating both our sons and daughters. Men and women. Into proper sexual reproductive education and how our bodies work. I've always wondered why we need to pay sanitary tissues. They're not even that cheap either. Why is something so necessary and part of every single woman's life (a necessity) not free? Why do people give out condoms for free but not sanitary pads? I don't understand how this works. 

Making abortions illegal doesn't stop abortions from happening. They decided they don't want the baby - people will find a way to not have a baby. Making it illegal isn't going to do anything. In fact, actually, it will make it worse. 
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